Moms and Lunchboxes

Written: March 24, 2023

It's funny how Filipinos often joke about the bond between moms and lunchboxes. I'm sure you've seen parodies or read stories about how mothers get upset when their children forget them at school. "Maiwan mo na ang lahat, huwag lang ang baunan mo." (You can forget anything, but not your lunchbox.)

However, for me, a lunchbox from 3rd grade became a symbol of my fondest memory with my mom.

When I was in Grade 3, I did nothing but play. I didn't care about studying or doing my assignments. Instead, I was out there making friends, playing, getting into fights, discovering I could dance and write songs, and whatnot. I was very sociable at this age (so much so that I forgot to look out for my own things).

To cut it short, I lost my lunchbox while waiting for my ride home. When I got home, I realized it was missing so I was very concerned—AFRAID even. That was the feeling. At that age, my dad was very strict (we weren't close then), so you can imagine why I was afraid.

I sat across a mirror and stared at myself sadly. I was bracing myself for another major scolding! You know how kids can get really upset over seemingly trivial things, like a lost lunchbox. I hadn't told my mom yet, so it surprised me when she asked gently, "Anak, bakit ka malungkot?" (Child, why are you sad?)

I broke down in tears as I told her that I lost my lunch box. I felt seen and understood. She comforted me, caressing my face and hair, and promised to talk to my dad.

This memory resurfaced while I was riding the PNR train. Despite the noise around me, I felt a wave of emotion wash over me. This was the second time I cried on public transportation in a week—a bit embarrassing, I admit.

But then I realized, if only I'd received that consistent emotional support when I was younger, maybe I wouldn't find it so difficult to open up to others. Perhaps I wouldn't yearn so much for someone who would get to know me slowly, patiently, and sincerely with care.

I mourned for all the versions of my life with my mother that mental illness has robbed us of.

Note: This isn't meant to blame my mom. Mental illness is a harsh reality that affects everyone involved.