The Faithful God Series | Part 1: How Teaching Kinder Healed My Heart

 As you can see, this blog is full of posts about my hardships. 

Christianity is not martyrdom! Hahaha. 

I noticed that I haven't posted much about the goodness and faithfulness of God in my life. There were SOOOOO many blessings—in the good and the bad times.

I decided to make a blog series of the good things that God has done in my life to serve as an encouragement and a reminder to my future self. Why a reminder? Because unfortunately, our human hearts tend to forget, especially when the dark days come or when everything is going so well in our lives.

And who knows? This might also encourage other people who might be going through the same thing.

Here's the first installment of the series: "The Faithful God"

God restored a dream I buried and healed a part of me I thought was permanently broken.

July 31, 2022, 12:17 am

I was at my friend's son's 1st birthday party, and I was so drunk (I still hadn't recommitted my life to Christ at this point in my life).

My friend's friends were all focused on this cute toddler who was playing with a balloon at the party.

"Good job!"

"Nice one!"

"You're so cute!"

They cooed.

I let my eyes fall on the boy and took a sip of my drink. It was my nth bottle, wasting the night away before my first job as a teacher started on August 2.

Staring at the boy, my heart melted.

Deep down, I kind of wanted to be a mother someday. For some reason, I particularly wanted a son. That moment struck my heart.

But very quickly, tears welled up in my eyes as I sighed in resignation.

I felt like I could be a good mom, loving my very own child.

But what right do I have to desire that? I did not grow up in a loving family. From my own parents, I saw that marriage is dangerous. For a woman, I saw marriage as something that would clip your wings and cripple you for the rest of your life.

It would’ve been better if I had seen my parents consistently fight and hate each other ever since the very beginning.

But I saw them in love. They had a happy start. We were a happy family.

What I mean is: seeing a broken marriage from the start would have been easier to understand than seeing love collapse.

Everything fell apart and never recovered. Until distance and separation became better than trying to piece the family back together.

I blinked and stared into the distance, the alcohol really taking a toll on me.

I know love and happy marriages exist—that a kid could grow up full of love in a happy family.

But I was convinced I’d never have that.

What right do I have to dream of that?

And so I spent my life trying to convince myself that marriage and kids aren’t meant for me.

I resigned myself to living a single and childless life for years to come. Magiging rich tita na lang, ika nga.

***

May 1, 2025, 12:17pm

“We know you’re a high school teacher. But the opening and needed position now is in Kinder. Will that be okay with you?”

What?!

Me??? Kids???

NO WAY.

I WAS TERRIFIED. Being the bunso in my family and the second youngest among all magpi-pinsan on my dad's side, I did not have any experience with kids.

The very few times I had encountered kids, I was annoyed. I viewed them as a nuisance.

Plus, I teach high schoolers—teenagers!

I told the coordinator of the new school I've applied to that I do not have any experience with teaching kids. But nevertheless, I'll try.

God is with me. 

There's nothing He can't handle.

If He wills it, He will strengthen me.

Right?

***

As I close my first (and last) year teaching in kindergarten, I can look back at it with so much joy in my heart, saying, "I'm glad I said 'yes' to God."

The journey wasn't easy. It required a lot of surrendering, stretching, and BREAKING.

I thought it would all just be an adjustment of my teaching pedagogy, but through this season, God did so much work in adjusting my heart, too.

***

Rewriting the Past & Renewing my Heart

My default defenses were a big disadvantage to me.

I was naturally a reserved person who takes time to fully warm up and trust people. Sometimes it takes days, weeks, months, or even years before I can fully feel comfortable baring heart.

I wasn't a touchy person. I didn't like being touched by other people, and it takes time for me to be comfortable with it. For most of my life, I had dealt with the scars of abuse and assault. I was like an abused stray animal who flinches at every involuntary touch and cringes at sudden physical forms of affection.

In short, I found it hard to let people in. It felt like I had a thick wall around my heart that kept me safe but lonely.

And yet, I was gifted with a very soft heart with a will to love people. What an irony.

But since I couldn't easily offer the physical and more social ways of affection, I learned to love people through words and presence.

To feel things with them, to listen, to understand, to encourage, and to offer tender words.

Do kids know that? Nope.

Their joy, purity, and love came bulldozing every wall in my life.

"Hi, Ms. Cams! Did you know that we went camping yesterday?"

At first, they initiated the conversations. They had so much joy and excitement in everything! I saw the sparks in their eyes and it melted my defenses. I found myself enjoying the long conversations with kids, seeing the world through their lens. Not long after, I also found myself initiating the conversations when I saw them, excited to hear from them.

I remember the first time one of my students hugged me. I froze.

I didn't know what to do.

"Is this okay?" I thought.

But the kids weren't thinking any of that hahaha! They would hug you, cuddle with you, hold your hand, and seek your presence for comfort.

It touched a part of my soul with so much softness and a will to nurture and protect. Like a mother! It healed the broken Eve in me who crumpled her dreams of ever being a mom.

A year later, I find myself much more comfortable with showing and receiving affection physically and verbally, especially with and from kids.

I can say that I have so much love for them now. I couldn't fathom how I used to hate these pure beings!

Now I understand why God wants us to be childlike. They're full of innocence, purity, joy, and hope.

This season definitely opened my heart to enjoy the love of God like a child: to be more open, joyful, courageous, and hopeful because I know I have a good and dependable Father backing me up.

God didn’t just change how I saw children; He also changed how I saw myself, my future, and His plans for me.

***

Moving Forward (More Blessings, all Glory to Him!)

After 11 months with kinder, I have been promoted as an MYP teacher (high school) in Humanities (another praise report!)

As much as I'd like to stay with the kids and the team I was with, I believe that this is another opportunity and season where God is leading me. Since I have already seen His faithfulness and grace throughout my journey in teaching kindergarten, why would I not trust Him to hold me in this new chapter?

Looking back, I can say that it was truly God's grace that brought joy in that challenging season in my life.

There were also a lot of tears, questions, and frustrations that time.

"Am I really meant to be here?"

"Why am I like this? Why can't I just be like other people who open up easily?"

"Where are you taking me, Lord? I'm scared and tired."

There were also times when I wanted to give up. I felt demoted and dejected, too. People from my past told me, "Sayang ang pinag-aralan mo, mapupunta ka lang pala sa kinder as a teacher assistant."

I anchored my identity in Christ and remained faithful in that season with a humble heart, willing to learn. Out of gratitude for His unwavering faithfulness and blessing through this work, I submitted to Him, did my best, and offered it as worship. He was the one I was pleasing and working for, anyway.

Whether I teach, cut papers, clean the classroom, manage the kids' behavior, or even clean up after bathroom accidents... I did it all for the glory of God. No matter how small those tasks were, I had joy in my heart.

And He has blessed me in so many ways.

The good community that acknowledged my faith in Christ. I didn't need to hide it.

The working environment that knows no gossip and slander—only good food and kwentos after work!

The good working schedule and load that allowed me to have more time for my family, church ministry and fellowships, and myself (hiking, exercising, actually resting).

The financial blessings that overflowed! I was actually considering going abroad this year (2026). Nagpaalam na ako kay papa that I'll be applying in Japan to help more in our finances. Then I received more blessings financially and even got promoted, allowing me to stay teaching here in the Philippines with my family!

The proximity from my home that lessened my travel time and expenses for commute.

Sobrang dami ng blessings ni God.

With one faithful step after the other, I could never outgive His faithfulness na doble-doble pa sa inaasahan at hinihingi ko.

I am forever grateful to You, Lord Jesus Christ!

All praises, glory, and honor unto You and You alone!💖